Weekend With Dad

Drifting around the web today, I happened upon a nicely composed collection of rules for the author’s 6 year old daughter.  I’d suggest visiting JonathonField’s blog for more…

1. Never get a tattoo you can’t see.

2. Never get a tattoo you can see.

3. Think with your brain, act with your heart.

4. Don’t smoke.

5. Or date smokin’ hot men (or women).

6. Ask mom for advice.

I especially appreciated #3.  Deeper thought than it appears on the surface.  Great advice for our kids (or for us.)

Same friend from previous post followed up with these suggestions…

• Read their magazines.
• Watch their favorite TV programs.
• Be informed – keep your knowledge up to date.
• Notice their accomplishments and encourage them.
• Let your child show you who they are.

A friend who could teach a “How to Be the Best Dad Ever” class sent me these thought starters…

• What are the names of your child’s best friends?
• What kind of music does she listen to?
• Do you know the title and content of the last video your child watched?
• Where would he want to spend his ideal day out?
• What has been your child’s greatest achievement in the last year?

“Take comfort from the fact that whatever you do in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.”  Bill Cosby

I’ve got to remember to ask my Dad if he felt as clueless about parenting as I sometime do (okay…usually do.)  Feels like I’m taking a stab in the dark on many many things.

I seem to remember him having what appeared to be a somewhat firm grasp of what to do in the variety of situations I presented, but maybe it was an illusion.

I’ll bet it was.  I see myself putting on that face for my kids now.  Hoping, praying that they don’t sense the fear I really feel.

I have spent a good deal of time this week looking at sites that deal with issues like I’d like to discuss here.  Wow was I in for a rude awakening.  There is alot of nastiness out there.

Yes, I understand many non-custodial parents have been given the short end of the straw, but the web is littered with people who are downright ugly about the situation.

Yes, some ex’s are impossible to deal with.  Yes, some try to portray us in a very negative light.  I don’t believe fighting back in kind is the answer.

I’m a take the high road kind of guy, I guess.  I don’t mind sacrificing some dignity or pride for my kids sake.  I’ve always expected right to win out in the end.  In my case it did.  I have been very lucky.  I am sorry that so many others have had such worse experiences.

This WILL NOT be a place to focus on those negative.  I’m putting on the rose colored glasses and focusing only on the positive things about my situation and my kids.

Please don’t expect me to join in the fight.

Have you heard the analogy relating ”marbles” to “weekends with our children?”

Over the course of 18 years of childhood, we have around 900 weekends to spend with our children.  Imagine each one being a marble.  As each week passes we remove one marble.

At birth, we have a glorious jar filled to the lip with 900+ marbles.  Lots of time to do all the things we hope to do.

My youngest is now 11.  His jar has only 350 marbles remaining.  That seems like alot, but it is not.  Nearly 2/3 gone.  Factor in the fact that I survive on every other Saturday and it’s frighteningly few.  I really don’t want to do the math for the two older ones.

Over the years I have wasted far too many of those marbles.  Maybe I was traveling.  Maybe working extra.    Maybe I needed some “me time” and was hanging with my friends.  Maybe I was just too tired.  Those marbles were just lost.

I have put much more effort into my marbles lately.  I spend more time planning.  I carefully gauge the reaction to the things we do, so as to maximize future opportunities.

Before I know it, my jars will be empty and I hope to have memories to fill them with.  I also hope my kids remember more than a few of the weekends fondly.

So why am I starting this site?

I’ve been a “non-custodial dad” now for 8 years.  My children are 17, 13 and 11.  They started this adventure when they were 9, 5 and 3.  And sometimes it really has been an ADVENTURE.  For me, but also for them.

When I was just regular dad, I had my role.  I played it pretty well.  But that all changed when divorce found us.  I was in this strange in-between land and didn’t always handle it so well.

I wanted to be involved with them like I had been, but was afraid and unsure how to assert that role.

I wanted to do things for them, but didn’t want to be a DisneyLand Dad who showered them with things out of fear it would do more harm than good.

I wanted to make our limited time together as valuable as I could.  Things to do, things to eat, things to talk about were all things that required more thought and planning than I envisioned.

Like many, many dad’s out there, I would do anything for my kids, but didn’t feel completely sure on how to do that.

I’m going to use this site to share what I’ve learned, gather and share what “experts” think and see if I can’t make the experience of being a Dad as great for others as it has been for me.

Welcome to Weekend with Dad.  Victor Paul.